You know, sometime times I really question what my purpose is. Like, does my life really have meaning? Can I really make a difference in the world? Can I even make a difference in my small community? Is who I am good enough? Why am I here?
I know I can't be the only one who thinks stuff like that. There's no way I'm the only one who wonders if I even matter at all. More than anything, I just want to know that my life has value, meaning, and purpose. I want to know that I am wanted.
Sometimes I have a hard time letting myself be me. I feel like if I am 100% me that people won't want me around or whatever. I've struggled so much with just wanting to belong that honestly, I really don't even know who I am. I've gotten good at acting like I've got my act together, but when you really get down to it, I am just as lost and confused and the next person. I have no freaking clue who I am. But, you know what? I don't have to. Psalm 139 says "I will praise you for I am fearfully and wonderfully made." So when I wonder if I am good enough, I should remind myself that I am fearfully and wonderfully made. Yeah, easier said than done though. So often I lose sight of who I am in Christ and I try to take my life into my own hands. That's when things get rocky and painful. Who am I to demand control of my life. Me wanting control is in a sense telling God "I don't trust you with this so I'm gonna do it myself." We all know how well that works.....
I guess what I am trying to get at is that we all struggle. We all fall. We all do stupid stuff. We all try to run our own lives. But you know, life will never be completely joyful and whole until we surrender control completely. I know I am far from being there yet. But I'll make a deal with you. Let's do this together. Let's surrender together. The word says "Where two or more are gathered in my name, I am there." Jesus wants us to come alongside each other and encourage each other as His body. We are His church. So let's surrender ourselves to Him for His purpose. That's what we're here for anyway. The creator made us to reflect his glory back to him. Anything less than that is failing our purpose.
So what do you say? You ready for a change? You ready for freedom. You ready for joy?
I know I am.
It won't be easy. Doing the right thing usually is the hardest thing to do. (isn't that in a coldplay song?) But I am so so very sure that it will be worth it.
So let's go on a journey. I know in my own life, I am far beyond ready for a change.
I love you all.
Jesus loves you more.
Kate
P.S. if any of you ever need prayer, encouragement, a listening ear, shoulder to cry on, etc, I'm always here.
Also, listen to this song.
http://youtu.be/suIeoR2Wils
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